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Secrets of Abundant Living

“T= HE SECRET OF A

HAPPY HOME”

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Ephesians 5:21—6:4

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Be a “S.I.C.K.” family!

A sermon preached by

Rev. William O. (Bud) = Reeves

First United Methodist Church

Hot= Springs, Arkansas

November 4, 2007<= /o:p>

There’s a cute story about a man who was= on a business trip and went home with a colleague for dinner. He was really impressed with the w= ay his friend entered the house and immediately greeted his wife. He asked her how her day went and = told her how pretty she looked. Th= ey embraced, and then went in to eat dinner.&= nbsp; After dinner, the man’s friend told his wife how good it was a= nd how much he enjoyed it. While= the friend’s wife was getting coffee, the dinner guest asked, “Why = do you treat your wife so well?”

The friend answered, “Because she deserves it, and it makes our marriage happier.”

So the man decided he = would try this out on his wife. On = the way home, he even bought her some flowers, just for good measure. When he walked in the door, he emb= raced his wife, handed her the flowers, and said, “Honey, you look wonderful!” Then he add= ed, “Sweetheart, I’m the luckiest guy in the world!”

But his compliments ha= d an unexpected effect; his wife burst into tears. Confused, he said, “What in = the world’s the matter?”

Through her tears she = said, “I’ve just had the most horrible day! My boss was impossible at work. Billy got in a fight at school. The refrigerator quit, and all our= food spoiled.” She caught her breath just for a moment, then wailed, “And now you come home drunk!&= #8221;

What is it that makes a marriage work? What is the se= cret to a happy family? Whatever i= t is, many people don’t seem to be getting it. Many families today are struggling= to survive. Sometimes it seems t= hat there is more dysfunction than function in most family groups. Statistically, family life in America is very different than it used to be

= · Traditional nuclear families (dad and mom in their first marriage w= ith kids at home) account for less than 25% of all households. [1]

= · Households headed by unmarried partners have nearly doubled. Cohabitation has increased ten-fol= d what it was 15 years ago.

= · Households headed by single parents grew to 33% in 2006, an increase from 23% in 1980.[2]

= · 37% of babies are now born to unwed mothers, compared to only 18% i= n 1980, and 3.8% in 1940.

I’m not about to say that your family ha= s to be the traditional, Ozzie-and-Harriet home to be happy or Christian. Single people, single parents, and couples without children have as much claim to God’s blessing as the traditional nuclear family. Whatever your family makeup, we all just want to be happy. We all need to know the same secret. And that is what I wa= nt to share with you today: the secret of a happy home—no matter how many l= ive there.

I think the secret is explained in our Scripture text today, which is one of the most dangerous passages in the Bible. I saw a cartoon once of a pulpit that had been covered with sandbags like a bomb shelter. The preacher was pee= king out of a tiny slot and saying, “Today I’ll be preaching from the text, ‘Wives, be submissive to your husbands…” So before you throw anything, let = me explain three secrets to a happy home. The acronym is S.I.C.K. We want to be S.I.C.K. families, so we’ll be happy.

The “S” in S.I.C.K. stands for SUBMISSION. The secret of a happy home is = mutual submission to one another and to Christ.&n= bsp; The key is verse 21 of chapter 5: “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.”= ; That’s it in a nutshell, but= Paul goes on to explain, “Wives, be subject to your husbands as you ar= e to the Lord.”[3] But then he turns right around= and says to the men, “Husbands, l= ove your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.= 221;= = [4] It’s a two way street—= the way of mutual submission to one another under the Lordship of Christ.<= /o:p>

It continues to amaze = me how many people go into a marriage to satisfy their own needs, or who have a ch= ild, thinking that child will fill an emotional void in their lives. That’s what the world may te= ll you, but it doesn’t work that way.&n= bsp; Fulfillment of our needs and satisfaction of our desires is a by-pro= duct of a self-giving relationship. We submit ourselves to the other’s happiness, and we find that we are fulfilled in the process.

Dr. Craig Barnes is the pastor of the Shadyside Presbyterian Church in Pittsburg, PA. He told about a young man in his congregation who had been dating a woman for a long time, but he didn’= ;t know if they could ever get married. He told, Dr. Barnes, “I don’t think she makes me happy.” Craig inquired = why she did not make him happy, and the young man went on and on about the reasons. Then the pastor aske= d the fellow what kind of wife would make him happy. He had already thought about that = and proceeded to lay out his vision. But as Craig was listening, it occurred to him that what the man rea= lly needed was not a wife. He needed a goldfish, the pretty kind with a tail th= at floats around in the fish tank—or maybe a Golden Retriever, except th= at dogs can make demands on you as well. A goldfish just swims around and never asks you to communicate or gi= ve of yourself. It doesn’t expect you to listen to its problems. As long as you feed it, the goldfish is content. Barnes said the last thing that man needed was a wife, because his whole understanding of life had to do with meeting his own needs.[5]

There is a rule I give= to every couple that I meet with before they get married. It is a rule that has saved our ma= rriage many times. I call it the 85-= 15 rule. Everyone knows that mar= riage should be a 50-50 proposition—equal sharing, equal rights, equal submission to each other. But= human beings are basically self-centered. We tend to maximize our own contributions and minimize the contribut= ions of others. So in order to achieve a balance in your marriage, or in your relationship with other family members, decide that it is going to take 85%= of the effort on your part to make the relationship work. If both parties in the relationshi= p try to give 85%, adjusting for the factor of self-centeredness, things will work out about even.

All this is to say: Wi= ves, submit yourselves to your husbands, and husbands to your wives, and parents= to your children, and children t= o your parents, and all of you to Christ. It’s not about you. That’s one secret = to a happy home. Submit your life = to Jesus Christ, and then to others, and then you will find your own needs fulfilled. It really works.

The “I” in S.I.C.K. stands for INTEGRITY. We talked about this some last week= , as part of the Christian armor. = But I want to bring it up again because integrity is absolutely crucial to good family relationships. Integri= ty means having congruence and consistency between what you believe and how you act. Integrity is the basis o= f any trust-relationship. Honesty, openness, faithfulness, dependability—these are the hallmarks of integrity. There can be no deception, no infidelity, no hypocrisy if you expect your home to be peacef= ul and positive. You simply have= to live what you believe.

Paul addressed this is= sue a little earlier in chapter 5, where he wrote, “For you once were darkness, but now in the Lord you are light. Live as children of light—fo= r the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true. Try to = find out what is pleasing to the Lord.”[6] Submitted to him, we live= with integrity as children of the light—that makes a happy home.

Mrs. Leon Apple stood = by her husband’s side for years as he pastored churches in the Midwest. Shortly after he died, she was addressing a group of preachers from the American Christian Convention in <= st1:City w:st=3D"on">St. Louis. She said, “I always said I&#= 8217;d rather hear Leon Apple preach than any man I knew, because I was sure that = he lived what he preached at home, and I wasn’t sure about some of you guys.”[7]

What a supreme complim= ent that would be. What a great g= ift that is to be trusted at that level. That works if you’re a preacher; that works if you’re a spouse; that works if you’re a parent or grandparent; that works if you’re a child. Have integrity in your family relationships, and it will help you have a happy h= ome.

The final part of the formula for a S.I.C.K. family is the “C” and the “K”. These stand = for CONSIDERATION AND KINDNESS. The bottom line is, pay attention = to the others in your family, and in so far as is humanly possible, be nice to the= m. Just love them for all they’= re worth, and love them when they’re not worth loving. Paul addressed this idea back in t= he fourth chapter of Ephesians, where he said, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as Go= d in Christ has forgiven you.”[8] At the end of our text, he touches on it again: “Childre= n, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father = and mother’—this is the first commandment with a promise; ‘so that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.’ And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”[9] Consideration and kindnes= s are based on a mutual respect of each other as human beings and as children of God. So why is it that the on= es we love the most are the ones we treat the worst?

I came across a story = this week about a man who was on his deathbed at home. Everyone thought he had just hours= to live. But he woke up, and no = one was in his bedroom. Downstair= s, he could smell chocolate chip cookies baking, and he loved chocolate chip cook= ies more than anything in the world.

So with every last oun= ce of strength he had, he pulled himself up out of bed, struggled across the floo= r to the stairs, and headed down the stairs, step by painful step, into the kitchen. There was his wife, pulling a fresh tray of sweet-smelling cookies out of the oven.<= /span>

The dying man reached = out to take a warm cookie, and his wife turned around and smacked his hand with the spatula. “Leave those alone,” she scolded. “They’re for the funeral!”= [10]

Sometimes we save our = worst behavior for our families, and they bear the brunt of our frustration and a= nger and bitterness and anxiety, and often it doesn’t even relate to anyth= ing going on at home. Home is just where it spills over, like acid out of a cauldron, and it hurts and burns a= nd sometimes scars. Try a little= salve of consideration and kindness, and see if everyone doesn’t do some healing.

Our families are the greatest legacy we have. They= are the ones who will remember whether or not we lived well. Twenty years from now, none of you= will remember my sermons; some of you won’t even remember my name. But Karen and Jeremy and John and = Leslie will remember how I treated them—at church, at home, on vacation, on = the golf course. I want those to = be good memories.

Most funerals I do are= for ordinary people—folks who worked ordinary jobs and had pretty unevent= ful lives. They weren’t ric= h or famous or powerful, most of them. What I find to be important and significant about each of their live= s is not their list of accomplishments, but the quality of their relationships.<= span style=3D'mso-spacerun:yes'> When I sit down with their families after they’re gone, I can tell in a minute what kind of person they were. What kind of legacy are= you leaving?

Today we celebrate All Saints’ Sunday. It is a= day we remember a legacy of faithfulness left by the saints who have departed t= his earth. As you come to celebra= te Holy Communion with Jesus Christ and with the fellowship of the saints toda= y, I want to ask you to be in prayer about two things. First, thank God for your family members, the ones who have already died and who made such an impact on you while they were alive, as well as the ones you are still having to deal with day by day. Then ask God for the strength and the wisdom to live in submiss= ion, to have integrity, and to show consideration and kindness toward the ones y= ou love. Be a S.I.C.K. family, a= nd you will have a happy home! Amen!=